JOKES OF THE MONTH

by Stamen Manolov

The latest of the political jokes crop- fresh for the 12 May general elections

NOT A SQUIRREL

A band of snails robbed a tortoise taking a walk in the Borisova Garden.

A scandal ensued, and Boyko Borisov ordered Tsvetan Tsvetanov to arrest the bandits as soon as possible. Promptly, Tsvetanov called in the cops and told them to find the snails. A week later the cops reported that they couldn't find the snails but that the tortoise was already behind bars for a traffic violation it had committed five years previously.

Enraged, Boyko Borisov calls in Tsvetanov and the DANS, the Bulgarian FBI, and orders them to arrest the snails. DANS deploys its operatives who start living in camouflage tents in the Borisova Garden. They plant bugging devices, interrogate passers-by, offer cash to former felons to give evidence, and three days later announce that Aleksey "Tractor" Petrov is behind the crime but they cannot produce evidence because their surveillance equipment is underfunded.

Everyone is enraged, and Boyko Borisov calls in the special forces.

An hour later, the heavily-armed counterterrorism unit burst into his office carrying a dishevelled squirrel. "OK, I am a snail, I am a snail," the squirrel cries.

 

BAD NEWS, GOOD NEWS

On the day after the general election Tsvetan Tsvetanov goes to Boyko Borisov and says: "Boss, I have a piece of bad news and a piece of good news. Where shall I start?"

"What's the bad news?" Borisov barks.

"Bad news is your opponents get 76 percent of the vote."

"And what is the good news?" Borisov asks.

"Good news is you get 89 percent."

 

SECRET BALLOT

An old lady goes to cast her ballot but discovers she has left her glasses behind. So she turns to an "observer."

"Son, help me fill out my ballot," the lady asks.

The man does.

"Now tell me who I've voted for?"

The man says: ""I can't do that, madam. This is a secret ballot."

 

EVERYONE IS SICK

A man riding on a tram falls down and dies. The police come and start asking around: "Didn't anyone see that a man in the tram was dying?" "

No," a passenger replies. "He kept saying 'I feel sick, I feel sick,' but then who doesn't feel sick these days..."

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